Week 9 Picks

Game - Cincinnati @ Baltimore (Stripe vs Vermin)
The Ravens simply are not good this year. They are not a team of unity as they had been in years past. This could be attributed to the loss of Kyle Boller at QB, because it is quite obvious that backup QB Anthony Wright plays with a huge chip on his shoulder. Wright seems to be so preoccupied with proving he deserves to be there that he forgets the big picture, and tries to win the game on every play. When things aren't going well, A-Wright loses his cool, and his play is affected. It looks like Boller might be back for this game, but that doesn't help Baltimore this week. On the other side, Carson Palmer and the Bengals are rolling. Cincinnati is on the fast track to the playoffs, and all they have to do to get there is beat teams like Baltimore. Winners: Stripe. Losers: Vermin.

Game - Atlanta @ Miami (Talon vs Fin); An upset pick?
The precap for this game is a difficult one, because Miami is looking better, and Atlanta is looking a little worse for wear. Vick, while exceptionally dynamic, has thrown fewer TD passes than David Carr, Josh McCown and Anthony Wright, to name few. Miami is the more complete team in this match up, although the Dolphins' record leaves much to be desired. If the Fins can control Vick at the line of scrimmage, they will take this game. Bottom line: Fin over Talon.

Game - Detroit @ Minnesota (Mane vs Norway) Blah Game # 1
Detroit stinks. Minnesota reeks. Here's a quote from Minnesota coach Mike Tice: "Sometimes," Tice said, "you wake up and you say, 'Man, I didn't have anything to drink last night. I didn't have anything fattening. So why do I want to puke?' Then you realize, 'Oh, that's right.' You start remembering what's going on in your life." What does that say about his team? This game is the backup quarterback game of the week. The NFL Precapper speculates that Brad Johnson is capable of lifting the Vikes to a victory, especially at home, but against a Detroit team that has kept all but one of its losses close, Minnesota is in for a long day. This game could end on a field goal, and if it does, Minnesota has a chance. The Lions have proven that they can score against soft defenses, and if they do, Minnesota is in for a long day. Bottom line, Minnesota is in for a long day. Mane wins.

Game - San Diego @ NY Jets (Powdervs Plane) Survivor Game of the Week.
Despite a 4-4 record, the Chargers are a top five team. Playing against any team on the road is tough, but the Chargers should "Brees" through New York without a hitch. The Jets are in a tail spin, and this is not a good time for them to be pitted against one of the highest scoring offenses in the NFL. San Diego brings too much firepower for the Jets to overcome. Survivor league participants should take a Powder, if available. Bottom line: Powder beats Plane... Big time.

Game - Carolina @ Tampa Bay (Fang vs Ship)
Tampa Bay has been deceptive this year. Losing to San Francisco last week shows that. The loss of Brian Greise has apparently stifled the Bucs offense, and Simms will have to be much improved if they want to have a chance against the Panthers. Delhomme and the two Stevens are eating up yardage for Carolina and scoring almost at will. However, take into account the Buccaneers proven defense, and this game should be considered as a pick'em. Bottom line: Fang rips Ship.

Game - Tennessee @ Cleveland (Sword vs Pup) Blah Game # 2
In a bizarre twist of fate, one of these two teams will actually win a game this week. It has been three weeks since either of these two teams has won a game, and in those three weeks, the Browns have played closer games than Tennessee, though Tennessee has scored more points. Browns RB Ruben Droughns was arrested this week on a DUI charge, and QB Trent Dilfer is in danger of being benched due to lack of production. Titans QB Steve McNair is still a workhorse, and although he is prone to making bad throws, he is tougher than the Browns defense. Considering strength of schedule in the last three weeks, the Titans are clearly the better team. Bottom line: Sword slices Pup.

Game - Houston @ Jacksonville (Steak vs Spot)
Houston won their first game against the Browns last week. Good for them. Jacksonville is the better team here, and they are hosting an otherwise down-and-out Texans team. The Jaguars defense is one of only two defenses thus far to hold the mythical Peyton Manning to zero passing TDs, and Houston's passing game is struggling, to say the least. Don't expect Houston to score through the air this week. Bottom line: Spot to beat Steak.

Game - Oakland @ Kansas City (Infraction vs Flint)
This is another difficult precap in that both of these teams are not living up to expectations this year. Both teams have scoring potential, and both teams have superstars who are not scoring much. The QB match up is about equal (slight edge to Oakland); the RB match up clearly favors Kansas City, while the WR match up favors Oakland. Since the Chiefs are hosting this roustabout, the bottom line is Flint to beat Infraction.

Game - Chicago @ New Orleans (Defense vs Gumbo)
Popular consensus says that Chicago will win this game, but let's hold our horses for just a minute. The Saints are still a professional ball club, despite all the adversity they have encountered. They are playing to a "home" crowd, and Joe Horn is finally back in good health. The Saints running backs are getting things done on the ground in the absence of McAllister, and Aaron Brooks has thrown for almost 2000 yards and six TDs with a depleted receiving core. Conversely, Chicago has been on an amazing winning streak, and they have momentum on their side. The Bears defense is superb, while the Saints offense is prone to turning the ball over. The one knock on Chicago is that they do not score much, and the Saints have been able to score on occasion. Officially, the Precapper will pick Chicago because of their defense, but that doesn't mean New Orleans doesn't have a shot. Bottom line: Defense to beat Gumbo.

Game - Seattle @ Arizona (Beak vs Red)
Seattle is a true Superbowl contender. They are coming off a bye week to face an Arizona team that was absolutely destroyed by Dallas last week, and they get one of their starting wide receivers back from injury. Arizona, on the other hand is lost. They are not a playoff contender, and they will be hard pressed to win even one more game this season. Unless the "any given Sunday" syndrome comes into play for the Cardinals, expect another Arizona loss. Bottom line: Beak to paste Red.

Game - NY Football Giants @ San Francisco (Eli vs Pyrite)
The planets have finally aligned in such a way to facilitate Eli Manning's first win outside of Giants Stadium. San Francisco is enjoying their upset win over Tampa Bay, but the Giants are on a roll right now. Bottom line: Eli to beat Pyrite.

Game - Pittsburgh @ Green Bay (Extrusion vs Cheese) UPSET!!
Roethlisberger, if he plays, will be playing hurt. The Precapper speculates that Steelers coach Bill Cowher will play it safe and hold Roethlisberger out of this game, and start backup QB Charlie Batch. Either way, the game will be played in Green Bay, and against Brett Favre. The Steelers are a championship caliber team, but even the best teams drop a game now and then, so this is the perfect opportunity for Brett Favre to bounce back; and the Precapper fully expects him to. Bottom line: Cheese upsets Extrusion.

Game - Philadelphia @ Washington (Wing vs Who?)
Washington, because the Dreaded and Feared are both hurt. Bottom line: Who? beats Wing.

Game of the Week: Indianapolis @ New England (Peyton vs Musket)
Here is the big game for Peyton Manning. This is his Superbowl, and he has to win it if he wants to get to the real one. Beat New England at home. Beat New England at home. Beat New England at home. That is Peyton Manning's final hurdle, and he's going to do it this year. Bottom line: Peyton beats Musket.